Awesomely-stupid Infomercials

I'm watching the Science channel, and I've seen a couple of hilarious commercials.

The first was for a quit-smoking device called Zerosmoke, which is a "gold-plated" magnet you wear on your ear. It uses "auricular" technology to release dopamine in your brain! The best was as they said that in the commercial, little sparkles went from the magnet to a brain, as if it were magic! Except instead of magic, it's bullshit.

The second was for an "ancient Japanese" detox system called Kinoki, it removes toxins through your feet, just like a tree! Because humans are just like trees! And there are lab tests to prove it, complete with bad chemicals! They did a study! This one had the typical laundry-list of complaints that modern medicine isn't good at solving but tend to respond well to placebos, you know: headaches, back pain, etc.

Actually that reminds me, there was another one too. This one was a table that flipped you upside down, to "decompress" your spine. It gets rid of all those things too (back pain, headaches, etc), and makes you feel young again!

I really wonder if anyone buys this crap. I guess they must, but it's mind-boggling. Especially since it's on the Science channel, you'd think that people who specifically seek out science would be less inclined to believe in bullshit. Oh well, at least it provides me with some humor.

Religion, imaginary elves, and the Philippino judiciary

Via Denialism Blog I find this story about a judge in the Philippines who has three imaginary elf friends, and was fired for it. The entire thing is pretty funny (the people love him, and he's using his newfound influence with the media to try to get his job back), but this quote is simply the best:

Mr. Floro says he never consulted the invisible elves over judicial decisions and the fact that he puts faith in them should make no difference to his career. "It shouldn't matter what I believe in, whether it's Jesus, Muhammad, or Luis, Armand and Angel," he says in an interview.

That's exactly what I thought when I read the article. How is this any worse than a judge who consults Jesus about his decisions, and we know that they exist? I don't think it is at all, the only difference is that there's only one person who believes in the trinity of elves, and there are two billion who believe in the trinity of Christ. I'm not saying he should get his job back, I'm absolutely indifferent about what happens to him, but he doesn't seem any more crazy to me than any other religious believer. Of course he absolutely could be, but we don't know that he is for sure.

What's a little bit unsettling is how the public has rallied around him. Get a load of this:

The day after Mr. Floro's first appearance on television last year, hundreds of people turned up at his house in a dusty Manila suburb hoping he could use his supernatural powers to heal their illnesses. Now Mr. Floro, who travels by bus, is regularly recognized on the street.

I looked into it, and the Philippines has a similar education system to the US. Something must be going wrong if people think that a man who sees elves can cure them. I seriously wonder why people always think that they can be healed by magic, perhaps it's because all healing seems to be magic (think about how antibiotics quickly defeat infections, without any knowledge it seems like magic). Still, if this is the supernatural instinct that skeptics are fighting against, then we have one hell of a fight against us. Education is the key to defeating superstition, but it doesn't always work. People are believing machines, and I doubt we'll ever eradicate belief in stupid things.

But if you find belief in stupid things funny, please read the whole article. It includes one of the elves purging the corrupt judiciary. It's good stuff.

Muslims want tougher speech laws

Via Ed Brayton comes this story of Muslims demanding special protection against the desecration of Muhammad in Sweden.

Ambassadors from Muslim countries have indicated that they intend to present the Swedish prime minister with a list of demands when they meet for talks on Friday...

"We want to see action, not just nice words. We have to push for a change in the law," he said.

"Muslims need legal protection against the desecration of the Prophet Muhammad, maybe something similar to the protection enjoyed by Jews and homosexuals."

I like Ed's response to this, "I agree, Muslims need exactly the same protections that Jews and homosexuals have against being made fun of: absolutely none." I don't really understand why so many Muslims get their panties in a bunch every time someone mocks their religion, it's simply beyond me. Wouldn't it be easier to just write it off as the uneducated opinion of an idiot than to demand that the speech be made criminal? Some people must just be so frightened of hearing anything that goes against whatever they believe that they just want it all banned. I just wonder why they don't demand protection against calling Jews pigs and all that other racist crap (remember Iran's cartoon contest?), or what would happen if someone deemed the speech in their religion as fitting being banned (I could see it happening).

What would be great is if all of the hypersensitive people in the world toughened up. I'm not just talking about the Muslims who say there should be no "hate speech" against them, but all of the other idiots who want to ban types of speech. Because in the end, when you ask to ban speech, all you do is show your true colors as an idiotic despot.

Malaysian State toughens laws against converting Muslims

Because I love religious insanity in any country, here's a story from the Malaysian state Kelantan, where they've recently increased penalties for converting Muslims.

People who try to convert Muslims to other religions could face a whipping, a fine and longer prison terms in a state ruled by a conservative Islamic party in northeast Malaysia, an official said Wednesday.

The Kelantan state legislature approved changes to the law Tuesday providing for a maximum punishment of six lashes with a rattan cane, five years in prison and a fine of 10,000 ringgit (US$2,800; €2,080) for non-Muslims who preach to Muslims, said Hassan Mohamood, who heads the state's Islamic affairs government committee.

Previously, the maximum penalty was two years in prison and a fine of 5,000 ringgit (US$1,400; €1,040), but state officials feel stiffer laws are useful "as a form of deterrence," Hassan told The Associated Press.

I don't think that there's really anything I can add to this, except to say that I'm damn glad we don't live in a theocracy, and we'd better be damn sure it stays that way.

Religion is crazy

I absolutely had to comment on this story. The best line:

"We've spent many years coming up with ways to... get around some of the more restrictive rules of our Faith."

In a close second is this one:

"On behalf of My People, I'm really sorry. We're not all like that."

And his Holocaust-Survivor Father, sitting in the chair reading a People magazine, looked up, shaking his head.

"Yeah. Those Jews are nuts."

It's not their fault, just their crazy-ass religion.

Man cuts off his penis ‘to stop him sinning’

I've seen a lot of crazy things done in the name of religion, but this takes the cake. From the article, "A man cut off his own penis and threw it in a toilet ‘so he would stop sinning’." That must be some religious devotion, right there. This happened in Spain, so that means there's a very good chance he's Catholic, which would make a lot of sense given that his fear of sin made him cut his penis off. That's just one of the side effects of a belief system that treats natural urges and acts as disgusting and unholy; that's what you get when you repress people's sexuality.

The article ends in the mother of all understatements, "There was also a suggestion he may be suffering from psychological problems." At the very least he's suffering from the psychological problem known as religion, which is one doozie of a mental illness.

T-shirts for Jesus

This is just funny:

Tracy Prochnow said Highland High School in Indiana suspended her daughter, Brittany Brown, on Monday because the junior wore a Christian-themed T-shirt.

Monday was the fourth time Brittany violated the code, which the city's school board implemented this year and requires students to wear khakis and polo shirts...

The front of Brittany's T-shirt features a cross and the words "This Shirt Is Illegal In 51 Countries." The back quotes the Bible's Romans 1:16: "I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God ... the salvation of everyone who believes."

"The school is basically saying I can't wear a shirt that talks about Jesus or Christ or God or any religious type of T-shirt because we have to wear a polo," Brittany said.

The school's principal, Mark Finger, said the dress code doesn't target religious beliefs.

"The policy states there are to be no logos or slogans on a shirt," Finger said.

I don't think anything I say can do justice to Brittany's quote. A school dress code that prohibits anything but plain polos means you can't wear a shirt that talks about "Jesus or Christ [redundant?] or God"? This is outrageous!

I think that school dress codes are dumb, but how stupid do you have to be to claim that it unfairly discriminates against religion? Last time I checked wearing T-shirts wasn't part of the Christian religion, and a dress code that applies to everyone isn't discriminatory.

But I have to know, why do Christians cry persecution so much when they're by far the majority of the country? I don't think I'll ever understand their persecution complex.

"French Cops Foil Catholofascist Terror Plot"

I just have to link to this post at Reason Hit & Run by Jesse Walker, where he mentions the recent Vatican flight passengers that were forced to leave behind their holy water. Jesse asks:

Which is more superstitious, the belief that Lourdes water can cure the sick or the belief that it can bring down a plane?

It's quite a good question. And this isn't even one of those dumb rules that makes people feel more secure, everyone but the most unthinking among us knows that flights are in no danger from liquids (binary liquid explosives as plausible methods for bringing down planes was debunked long ago).

But all the effort detracts from the search for legitimate threats. But then again, the TSA has never been particularly good at finding bombs, but they're really good at confiscating nail-clippers.

I, for one, feel much safer.